Suffering the Consequences

This growing up thing? It's hard. Hard on the control-freak parent who is trying to let go a little and give her daughter a bit more choice in life, but has a hard time when said daughter makes a choice that in the long run might not be the best one. It's hard on the parent who hates to sit by and watch the child suffer the consequences of a choice they made. It's hard on the parent who has this unexplained urge just to fix everything so that her daughter won't have to suffer at all, even though the parent knows deep down that by fixing everything the child will never learn and from her own mistakes/triumphs in life.

Undoubtedly, it's hard on the child who has to make these choices, be they good or bad, in order to learn from whatever may come as a result of these choices.

Today, I knowingly let Emily suffer whatever consequences may come as a result of her not turning in her reading log. She knew all week that it was supposed to be home, here for us fill out together, and, despite my constant reminders to her to bring it home, she still forgot it. I felt bad about it, so suggested that we do our own reading log, since we knew what the questions on it were, and, even though it would not be on the "official reading log paper", I am sure it will still count. The thing is, while I think it is important that she remember her "stuff," she actually has a problem with this kind of thing, more so than the usual kid. Sometimes, I need to cut her a little slack. Anyway, she refused to make up our own, and said outright, "I'll just get a zero." Me? I let it go at that. The hope is that when she gets a zero, or gets her report card she will see that her grade is a direct reflection of what she does or doesn't do all year,and that if her grade is lower than it may have otherwise been, she will make the connection. If I am being honest though? I don't have high hopes for this happening. Consequences have little effect on Emily, generally speaking any way. While the event is actually occurring (using this example when she gets her report card) she will be upset by it for that moment in time, but it will more than likely do little to deter the forgetting of the reading log in the future.

So, I guess we will just wait and see what happens, and hope for the best.

Organizing Ideas

Acronyms. Emily seems to respond quite well to them and said as much while doing a recent math assignment on order of operations. She said, "PEMDAS...Please excuse my dear Aunt Sally" but really it means, "Parenthesis, Exponents, Multiplication, Division, Addition, Subtraction, just so you know, Mom."

So...I need to think of a good acronym or two for things such as, "Don't forget your homework" and "Remember to bring everything home that you need" and "English class starts at 8:03 not 8:10."

I am being a little silly here, but really? I think this type of thing might work. I bet this is something I could find on line...like an acronym creator or something.

I am having a hard time coming up with other ideas. I already have the typical ones in place...a set time and place for homework, reminders before she leaves to turn her homework in that she has done at home, chatting with her about her day, and being involved with the school (as much as possible in middle school at least). Does anyone else have any thoughts?

Emily's Middle School Experience So Far

Mostly? It's been good. I mean, she seems happy (most of the time at least), likes switching classes and seems to like her teachers. Really the only thing that has been too much for her? The absurd amount of organization that they expect out of an 11 year old, let alone one who has more trouble with this sort of thing than the everyday 11 year old.

For lack of a better way of wording this, I am going to list the "problems" we have had with organizational type things so far this year:

-lost her agenda that she needs everyday.
-missed two math assignments (although they weren't technically missing, she had them in her folder and just forgot to turn them in when the teacher asked).
-forgot a rough draft of a paper she needed in order to write the final draft.
-forgot to bring home a modified study guide her social studies teacher gave her ( but YAY for her social studies teacher actually following her 504 plan)
-has been late to math class once
-is late to homeroom frequently( although in all fairness her bus is one of the last ones to arrive thanks to us living on the other side of town, but I am fairly certain it arrives in plenty of time for her to get to class).
-forgot to write a rough draft of a paper, or even tell me about the final draft being due...found out when I called the homework hot line.

To me? This seems like a lot...considering we are only ending the 2nd full week of school. There are some people who are going to argue that this is just a "kid being a kid." while I agree on some level, the truth is? This is by no means some thing we can let go, nor is it something that I think most kids go through. If that were true, that all kids in her age group were this disorganized, I sincerely doubt the expectations of those in charge would be the same. In other words, if it was the norm for kids her age to forget their things, lose their things and be late to things, it would be unlikely that those in charge would expect that of them, or at least not to the degree that they do. It's not like I am saying that makes it so there is something wrong with Emily...just that she's a little more unique than one might think, and perhaps her way of doing things (or even not doing them) is a little different then what would be considered "average" for her age. The bottom line is, while I don't think it's ok to insist on doing anything to inherently change her, if she is to "survive" in this crazy little world called "middle school"she is going to have to make some changes in the way she does things.

I spoke with her guidance counselor the other day. She in turn met with Emily yesterday. I also know that the guidance counselor has been going to all of the classrooms during SSR time (Silent Sustained Reading) and speaking with all of the 6th grade classes about middle school, organization, "talk aloud strategies" and various other things. Both the guidance counselor and Emily's math teacher who I met briefly at Open House have said Emily has a wonderful attitude, is willing to accept help, and that she is a "good kid." So that will certainly help her in the long run.

Next Up: Organizing ideas...both mental and physical that may help.

Middle School:Expectations

This will be the first in a short series of posts. If I were to include all my thoughts on this subject in one entry, you could potentially be reading for days!

I thought I would start by listing quite literally what was expected of Emily as far as what she needs for each class, and what she is expected to remember to bring with her to each class.

Chorus (yes she actually needs stuff to go sing): black 3 ring binder, 2 pencils, composition notebook, agenda. Students will write journal entries in the comp book at the end of every chorus class. Concerts are mandatory. There are two each year.

World Geography: 2 inch 3 ring binder, notebook dividers, colored pencils, textbook,agenda.

Math: 2 inch 3 ring binder, notebook paper, pen, pencil, textbook, agenda. 3-4 nights homework will be given. Late homework=no credit.

ELA (you ready for this?) agenda, homework folder, SSR book, pencil, reading notebook, writing journal, reading log, 2 textbooks.

Science: white notebook, text book, agenda, pencil.

The school uses the "rotation" scheduling approach, so they have classes on an A B C schedule. They also have specified locker breaks, in which they are allowed to go back to their lockers to trade books etc. for the next class.

Let's use an "A" day as an example. On an "A" day she needs to have the following with her in the morning before her next locker break: 2 inch 3 ring binder, notebook dividers, homework folder, colored pencils, textbook,agenda,white notebook, text book.

At her next locker break she needs to have/remember all of this: 2 inch 3 ring binder, notebook, pen, pencil, textbook, agenda, homework folder, SSR book, reading notebook, writing journal, reading log, 2 textbooks.

At her final break of the day she needs to remember to bring home her agenda, homework folder, and any textbooks or binders/notebooks she may need to complete her homework.

Oh, and did I mention that they are not allowed to carry their backpacks around the building? Taken directly from the handbook: In order to avoid congestion in the corridors, and to assist students in the organization and care of books and materials, backpacks and book bags may not be carried during the school day. Upon entering the building, backpacks, book bags, and gym bags will be placed in the student lockers.Locker breaks will be held periodically throughout the day. I have yet to be in there when the hallway was bustling with kids going to a fro, but let me tell you, on the few occasions in which I have been there (including tonight for Open House) the hallways seem plenty wide, as do the cluster areas where the lockers are located. This seems like a silly rule to me, and if I were in charge,I would be more concerned with books being dropped, or pencils being slipped on, or any other number of things that could occur when kids are carrying armloads of books around.

Anyway, is it me, or does this seem like a lot for even a "regular" kid who doesn't have issues with organization or attention, above and beyond what would be considered normal for the age?

Elementary school, for all it did do, certainly did not do an adequate job preparing Emily for the "big leagues", at least on an organizational level. I am appalled by most of what is expected of her.

Public Education

You what it is sometimes that drives me crazy regarding people who knock public education? It's the people who automatically decide it's a bad thing, just based on their own experiences as a child. When you really think about that, it doesn't make sense.

It sort of falls in to the same category as defining what makes a good teacher. Of course there are obvious things that don't, but most of the time, if you were to define a teacher's "goodness" by the performance of their students? You'd have a tough time. Because guess what? Everyone is different. There are always going to be students who learn better by reading, others who learn better by doing, others who are very adaptable and can learn using any method, and still others who will have difficulty no matter what you do. Does this mean that because a student is failing the teacher isn't doing a good job? Maybe, but not necessarily.

Getting back to the original point, just because your experience in school may have been poor, does not automatically mean your child's will too. Personally, if I had really given a lot of thought to what my experience in school had been before sending my own children, I might not have sent them, and in the case of my children specifically? I think that would have been a big mistake.

Using Julia as an example, I do sometimes wonder if all of the extra help she is getting now and may need to continue with in the future is more of a hindrance to her than a help. It may not be a big deal now, but when she gets older, if she needs to be pulled from the classroom for whatever, will that bother her? I have no idea. But right now? By all accounts, speech therapy is not torture. It's fun. They play games, read stories and use different manipulative's (blocks, play dough etc) to initiate speech and language development. It's not like they sit there and just ask her to say specific words or ask her tons of questions to see how she responds. Same goes for PT and OT. Does this mean that all 4 year olds will love these therapies? Of course not, but it works for her.

The point? While we should take our own experiences in to consideration when making decisions, we should not allow that to be the deciding factor in whether or not we send our kids to public school. A little open mindedness can go a long way.

Middleboro School News

Of note to local readers...

The Middleboro School Committee is looking at saving energy costs. YAY! More money for the kids and green living...works for me!

And, perhaps even more exciting than that...

The School Committee has decided against pursuing the extended learning time initiative.

Julia's IEP Review

A couple of weeks back, I had Julia's IEP Review meeting, in which her concerns, vision statement and annual goals were updated.

Here's what I included for her parent concerns and vision statement:

Parent Concerns: Our immediate concerns for Julia lie in her gross motor, speech and language, and sensory processes. Specifically, our concerns relate to Julia’s overall muscle tone and balance, comprehension of materials and tasks being presented to her, her social skills and interacting with her peers, and her sensory motor and planning skills.

Vision Statement: Our immediate vision is for Julia to improve her overall muscle tone and balance, comprehension of tasks and materials being presented to her, social interactions with her peers, and overall sensory and motor planning. Looking to the future, we are hoping that this school year will adequately prepare Julia academically, physically, and emotionally for kindergarten.


Julia has four parts to her IEP; general curriculum, Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, and Speech and Language. Within each area, specific accommodations are listed as they apply to Julia's needs.

General Curriculum/Speech and Language:
Extra wait time, short, simple directions after obtaining eye contact, cues and prompts to complete tasks, and cues before transitioning or changes in routine.

Occupational and Physical Therapy:

Encourage prone positions, encourage weight bearing prone positions suich as kneeling, encourage stair climbing, work on vertical service like black board or easel, encourage movement activities and position change.

Each area also has a measurable goal which are as follows:

OT: Julia will improve sensory processing, sensory motor development, and fine motor development.

PT: Julia will demonstrate improved postural strength, proximal stability and strength, endurance and balance.

Communication (Speech and Language): Julia will follow two step directions in small group therapy sessions with 80 % accuracy, and will answer "Why" questions when reading a book or playing a game with 80 % accuracy.

General Curriculum: Given decreasing prompts, Julia will increase her time spent on non-preferred activities through out the school day.

There are of course, all kinds of benchmarks that are listed to achieve these goals.

She will be particpating in the sensory-motor OT/PT group that she has been next year, 2 times a week for 45 minutes each. She will be in a small group speech session for 30 minutes per week and in a co-treat speech group for 30 minutes per week.

Overall, i am pleased with how this will play out next year. Silly me is already getting nervous about kindergarten because it's hard for me to imagine her being in a structured setting for an entire day. I never really had this concern with Emily and Katherine but this is Julia. And Julia? She's just not like Emily and Katherine were at the same age. It's hard to put it into words though. Anyway, worrying about kindergarten now? It's just a little premature!